World’s Worst: Wedding Speeches
Inspired by a recent binge watch session of “Whose Line is it Anyway?“, I asked ChatGPT to generate 4 “World’s Worst” wedding speeches for my friend’s upcoming wedding. First, I seeded the request with unique characters that would make the wedding attendees cringe the moment the character picked up the microphone.
Of course, I would never give the following speeches. But, there are no bad ideas during a brainstorming session! Best to get these ideas out here and not at the wedding. So, here are 4 speeches from ChatGPT that I will definitely not be giving.
“Good evening, everyone. I’d like to start by congratulating the happy couple on this special day. As a tax accountant, I couldn’t help but think about all the financial benefits you two will enjoy now that you’re married. It’s such a tax-efficient move! You’ll save money on joint tax returns, and don’t even get me started on the potential deductions for the wedding expenses. Oh, and let’s not forget about the possible child tax credits if you decide to expand your family soon. Anyway, I have some pamphlets with all the tax benefits right here at my table if anyone is interested. Enjoy the tax savings, and your marriage, of course!”
“Wow, folks, I’ve gotta admit, I’m really shocked today. When I first heard about this wedding, I assumed it was just a family reunion. You see, I thought marrying within the family was a tradition, and I didn’t even know it was legal to marry someone outside the family! But hey, you live and you learn, right? Here’s to the newlyweds, showing me that there’s a whole world of marriage options out there that I never even considered. Cheers!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, what can I say? It’s truly an honor to be here, sharing in the joy of this wonderful union. I mean, let’s be real, everyone should be marrying someone like me. I’m amazing! I don’t understand why these two lovely people are marrying each other when they could’ve had me instead. I mean, who wouldn’t want to wake up to this face every day? But, alas, I’ll have to accept that they’ve made a terrible mistake. Let’s toast to my magnificence and the missed opportunity they’ll always regret!”
“Dear friends and family, gather around and let me tell you a little story about how love can strike at the most unexpected times. You see, on our way here today, your mom and I got so inspired by the wedding vibes that we decided to make a quick pit stop. And, well, the love in the air got us in the mood for a little romantic interlude. Let’s just say that we won’t forget this wedding for more reasons than one! Anyway, congratulations to the newlyweds. May your love be as spontaneous and passionate as ours!”
Though I would never make the above speeches, it could be fun to give the newlyweds a buzzer, like the one that comes in the Taboo game box. Then, in the style of “Whose Line is it Anyway“, the newlyweds could buzz to end a succession of “World’s Worst” speeches. In that case, I would start each of the speeches above until I get buzzed off the stage! Then, we could open up the floor to the rest of the attendees! What fun!
Then again, after posting this article, I may no longer be invited. 🙂
